Benny and Joon Randy So we're planning our next vacation, right. I want Australia, she wants Italy. I like, snorkeling. She likes garlic. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she says to me, do I need her? Jesus Benny, what kind of a question is that? I mean need, what does it really mean to need somebody? Eric Benny, fuel line. Benny Hey, Waldo, could you answer that phone? Waldo Yeah, hello? Postman I need a cheque, Benny, C.O.D. Benny In a minute, meet me in the office. Postman All right. Benny Whoa, put that out, put that out, put that out. I got a fuel line broke. Waldo Hey, Benny, Joon's on the phone again. Benny Well tell her I'll call her back. Find out what she wants. Waldo It's an emergency. She says you're running low on peanut butter super chunks. Benny An emergency. . . All right, the issue is jelly, you only like two kinds. You either like grape or poison berry, which? All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, peanut butter, I know, super crunch, all right. I'll see you at six, okay. Bye. Hi. Thanks for waiting, ma'am. Erm, I'm afraid the best we can do for you is going to be, erm, seven-fifty. But I think if you check around you'll see that that is a really good deal. Woman Yeah? Eric That is a real very good deal, ma'am. A little too good. . . Woman Let's do it. Joon You're not doing your job! What is your job anyway? Mrs Smail My job is to clean this house, but I'm not doing it any more! Joon Get out of my sight! Mrs Smail You wouldn't dare, Joon! Benny What is going on here? Joon! Mrs Smail! Mrs Smail, please. Mrs Smail Beware, the winds of reason shall blow stern. Benny What? Mrs Smail I'm done, Mr Pearl, I'm done! The mule's turned to glue, she wanders off unescorted. She has sudden outbursts. She is simply unmanageable. Benny Mrs Smail! Please, wait, please. Let me talk to her. I can talk to her, you can't quit on such short notice. Mrs Smail Oh, I'm sorry, sir. In Ireland, we have a saying, when a boat runs ashore, the sea has spoken. Erin (phone) Oh, come on! You have to come, we can't play three in a poker game. Benny Listen, she's going to be alone every day until I find another housekeeper, I'm not leaving her alone at night too. Eric (phone) Listen, bring her, what's she going to do? She paints and she reads. Benny Yeah, she paints, she reads, she lights things on fire. Eric (phone) That happened once. Look I got a fire extinguisher, just bring her. Eric Now get your ass over here, and don't forget the Louis Pring record you owe me. Remember, always play for keeps. Right? Benny All right, all right, all right, yeah, I'll be there. Okay. Joon, dinner! Spaghetti and salad? Joon In that order? Benny What happened between you and Mrs Smail? Joon She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors. Benny The woman is a housekeeper, Joon, not an English professor. Joon She moves things. Benny She said you wandered off. Did you leave the house alone? Joon Define alone. Benny You know full well what I'm talking about. Listen, while I'm at work I can't be worried about whether or not you're knocking another housekeeper into retirement. First it was Mrs Larksburg. Joon A woman deeply and hygienically disturbed. Her hair smelled. Benny But then it was Mrs Piltz. Joon Piltz? The answer's in the question. Let's face it, Benjamin, hiring housekeepers is not your forte. Benny Oh yeah? Well until I do find another housekeeper, you are going to stick close to the house. Understand? Now have some salad. Oh by the way, I want you to come with me to my poker game. Joon Benny. . . Benny Come on, you'll have a good time. Man Erm, web belt and buckle. Mike Classical Greek martini shaker. Benny Six turkey-feather darts. Thomas I'll see you with the Diana Durban album. Benny Come on. Thomas And I'll raise you with the stethoscope. Mike Does it have little, er, plastic earpieces on the end? Thomas What do you care? You never win, Mike! Mike Well if I do, I don't want them, stabbing my eardrums. Steering wheel knob. Eric Salad shooter. Benny Fifty-six Plymouth tyre iron. Thomas Foldo. Mike Well you must have a good hand, huh? Benny No, I'm bluffing. Mike Really? Benny Come on, you got to play to find out, come on. Mike Okay, a hundred and fifty feet of coaxial cable. Show them. Benny Full house, Jacks over fours. Eric Oh shit. Mike I thought he was bluffing. Thomas Will someone get some air to his brain? He was bluffing about bluffing Mike. Mike You're a real pal, Benny. I tell you what, I got a solution to your housekeeper problem, you can have my room-mate. Joon Oh, that's a terrific offer Benjamin. Save you from the wretched chore of Smail shopping. Those places are such drudgery, aren't they? Montgomery and Smail, Smails and Roebuck, Smails 'r' Us. . . Benny Joon. You got a room-mate? When did you get a room-mate? Mike Since last week. My cousin pounded into town and my life's gone from heaven to hell in seven days. Thomas Just like the good Lord intended. Mike Yeah, twenty-six years old, he can't even read. He spends all day polishing my plastic forks. Eric When you say he can't read, what do you mean? Like words? Mike Yeah, and he keeps me up all night watching stupid old movies. My work's starting to suffer. Joon You install cable TV. Benny Joon, will you please glue your sequins. Joon Have we an internal sequin issue to deal with, Benjamin? Benny All right, can we make this the last hand? Come on, come on, play cards. Eric Two tickets, tomorrow nights baseball game. Benny One Pocket Fisherman. Thomas Fold. Benny Do you ever stay in? Mike Snorkel mask. Social Worker She really knows how to rattle the day help. Benny You know, I think we need to find someone more understanding than Mrs Smail. Social Worker Now tell you something. How are you two getting along? Benny Us? Fine, normal, you know, fine. Why? Social Worker I'll level with you. I think it's time you gave some serious consideration to a group home. Benny She already has a home. Social Worker Benny, she'd be with her peers. Benny Yeah, she hates her peers. She has already quit two the day centres to prove it. Look, all we need right now is a new housekeeper. Social Worker Well I know of no one else. You've been up and down the list. Now you might want to entertain the possibility that there's some people, more capable of handling these episodes than you. I am beginning to think that that you two living together may not be the best thing any more. Benny I'm her brother, and I'm her only family. And we've done just fine, the two of us for twelve years. Social Worker Yes, but her stress level is always a factor in her display of symptoms. Her agitation should be kept to a minimum. Benny Everybody gets agitated. Sometimes it's the only option. Social Worker Benny, don't get me wrong, I'm impressed how you've managed this long. But a group home would give her a chance to develop other relationships. Also, we don't know this, but, what if she were capable of a part-time job? They'd encourage her in that direction. These are very nice places - nurturing, supportive. Benny I'm not farming her out. Joon I have every right to be outside officer. I have every right. Police Officer Yes, ma'am. May I see some ID please? Benny Hey, Waldo, did you start that brake job yet? Waldo Joon called. She says that you've run out of tapioca. Benny She what? Waldo Oh, and the police will corroborate. Benny Holy shit. Listen, Jack, you wanna go to the baseball game tonight? Jack Hey, thanks, Benny. Benny Box seats. Hello? Joon? Time for your meds, Joon. Good night, Steve. Oh, hello. How's it going? Woman I appreciate the deal on the engine. Benny Oh yeah, no problem. Is it running all right? Woman Yeah, it's running great. Benny Oh, good. Woman So, er, can I erm, can I make it up to you with some dinner? Benny Some dinner? Erm, you serious? Woman Yeah, dinner with you. Benny Erm, you know what, I can't. I mean I'd like to, but. . . Woman Okay. Benny Okay. Eric Stupid. Stupid. Benny Eighteen, fifteen. Joon Seventeen, sixteen. Benny Eighteen, fifteen! Joon It caught the corner. Benny It was a foot off the table. Joon It was not. Benny Juniper. Joon Benjamin. Don't underestimate the mentally ill, we know how to count. Benny Okay, fine, seventeen, sixteen. Joon You can't give me what was already mine. You're trying to cheat. Benny I'm not cheating. Joon You're cheating. Benny Joon, I don't cheat. You're the one who's cheating. Joon You're all trying to cheat me, you're trying to cheat me. Thomas Yeah, all right, I spoke to some of the guys on the staff, Benny. Nobody wants to be a housekeeper. I will keep trying, but I got to tell you, honestly, I don't think so. Benny Yeah, okay. Thanks. Bye. Okay, Stevie. I mean, I can't even keep a goldfish alive. What chance do I have with Joon? If something bad happened to her I'd. . . I'd never ever be able to forgive myself. Eric A group home is the right thing for her, Benny. Benny Yeah, this is definitely for her own good. Eric Hey, it's for both your own good. How much longer can you do this to yourself? You're life is literally passing you by. Benny You're right. You're right. What am I doing with myself? I spend my life working on cars and taking care of my sister. I can't even have a relationship without having to worry how Joon is gonna fit in. Eric You know, once she gets settled in, you could actually take a vacation. Travel a little. I can hold down the fort, no problem. Benny Travel? Travel? Eric Benny, there's a whole world out there, man. I mean, picture yourself on the open road, wind in the hair in the El Camino. Highway stretching out b. . . what's that? Up ahead? A lovely motorist. Stranded. Carburetor trouble. Better investigate. Benny Yeah, right, I'm going to be stopping at a pay phone every fifteen minutes to call Joon to see how she's doing. Mike Okay, let's see, Black Sabbath over there. Thomas You got that flash light? Mike It's not a flash light. It turns out it's a brush kind of thing. Here's a hat, Benny. Thomas Where's the batteries? Mike You, you didn't win any batteries. What are you talking about? Who gets the ice nudies? Thomas Those are mine. Mike Okay. Hey guys, come on, hurry it up, huh. Or we'll start without you. Joon I've been known to play a little cards. Mike Box of thirty-ought-six cartridges. Joon Medium sized green haired troll. Thomas Soap on a rope, slightly used. Cards? Mike Three. Thomas Cards? Joon Two. Thomas And the dealer takes. . . three. Mike Pass. Joon Re-grout my shower. Blue grout. Thomas I fold. Mike Shampoo my dog. Lava lamp. Joon Scrape and paint the exterior of my house. Thomas Hey, hey, come on slow it down you guys, okay. This is supposed to be reasonable stakes. Joon That's a see and a raise, you follow me? Mike You take my cousin off my hands. Thomas Wait, wait, wait. Just stop. All right. Benny's gonna strangle you guys. Joon Chill out, Thomas. Benny Joon, we've gotta go. Mike A flush. Full house. Yes, yes! Oh Benny, tonight's your lucky night. Thomas Mike warned it was for keeps, Benny. Benny What? What was for keeps? Joon I lost. Benny What's in the pot? Joon A cousin. Mike Hey man, rules are rules, without then there's no order in the universe. Benny Oh don't you give me that crap. You took advantage. Joon Of your sick sister. A heart flush is a perfectly respectable hand. Mike Not respectable enough. Benny Hey, shut up Mike. I am not taking this guy home. Mike You have to man. Remember the bet I lost last year? When I had to re-plate your socket set. I didn't back out, did I? Benny You can't bet a human being. Mike Oh, well, if you're going to be a baby about it. Benny All right Mike. You want to play like that? I'll take him. I may not be responsible for what I'm going to do to him, but I'll take him. Mike Oh man. What are you doing you stupid jerk? Sam Oh, there's something wrong with your car. Mike What did you do with my hub caps? Sam I don't know. I'm Sam. Benny So I hear. I'm Benny. Sam With an N? Benny Yeah. Two of 'em. This is Joon. Sam With an N? Joon One. You're out of your tree. Sam It's not my tree. Benny I think I need a beer. Mike Hey, Benny, wait a minute! Where you going? Come here man, give me a jump. Hey! You're going with them. Benny Oh! God bless you. Ruthie Hey pal, we're trying to work here, if you don't mind. Sam Oh my God! I've just been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? He's a cute guy with a little mole on his right cheek. Man Hey, Ruthie, one of your ghosts come back to haunt you? Sam Oh! Oh Brad! Oh Brad! Brad, please don't be dead. I never got a chance to tell you what you meant to me. Oh Brad, please! It's you, you're you, Ruthie Mallenak. Co-star of The Prom Queen Mutilator with Dick Beebe. Ruthie You saw that? Sam He was mine! He was mine! No Cindy, you're sick. Cindy you need help! No, Cindy! No! No! No! No! Joon No. Don't. . . don't touch it. Sam It's paint. Joon Yes. Sam Kirk Douglas. Van Gough. Ear. Benny These are yours. You can sleep here, all right? Come on it's late. Let's brush your teeth and hair. Joon I can brush my own teeth Benjamin. Benny Fine. Joon Hair too. Benny Perfect. Come on. Sam Oh. Oh, Benny. Hey Benny. Thanks for the couch. Erm, Mike made me sleep under the sink. Benny Oh. You're welcome. Good night. Sam Good night. Mentally ill. Really? Benny Yeah. But I mean, don't worry about it. But just, er, let her go about her routine, you know. Her routine is everything to her. Oh, and don't hang around her room while she's painting. She hates that. Sam No. Benny She runs hot and cold on you, just ignore it. That's just the way it works. Oh, listen, erm, she starts talking to herself, don't worry about it, but don't answer. Sam Okay. Benny She sometimes hears voices in her head. That comes with the territory too. And, erm, just make sure that nothing, and I mean nothing, happens to her. Sam Okay. Benny Okay. All right. Joon Having a Boo Radley moment are we? Benny Good morning. Eric Hey. Benny This today? Eric Yeah. So, erm. . . So what did you do with the cousin? The bus station? The river? What? You throw him in the river? Benny No, I took him home. Eric You took him home? Benny Yeah. Eric To your house? Benny Yeah, to my house. Eric What are you, crazy? Benny Hey, believe me, it's only temporary. Eric Great. Hey, maybe he can tell Joon about the group home. Benny Listen, if I'm going to do this group home thing, I got to figure out the best way to tell her, you know what I mean? Where's Waldo? Is he not here yet? Eric No. Benny All right, that's it. I'm going to have a talk with him. Eric No, you're not. Benny Yes I am. I'm calling him right now. What's his phone number? Eric Five, five, five, zero, nine, four, four. Joon Aah! Too loud! Too loud! Sam Aah, what? What? Oh! Benny Hey. Where's Sam? Joon I didn't mean to kick him out. I mean I didn't kick him out, he just, he just left. Benny Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? What happened? Did something happen? Joon He just, he just left. He was, he was, in the air and, and, and with a thing and, it was really loud. It was really loud. And all, I, I just kept seeing. . . He didn't mean to do it. Benny Do it? What? What, did he, what did he do? Joon He cleaned the house. Benny And you kicked him out for that? Joon Maybe I should invite him back in. Benny Yeah. Before someone sticks a stamp on his head and mails him to Guam. Joon Some cultures, are defined by their relationship to cheese. Benny Is that a fact? Joon He can really cook, can't he? Benny Uh-uh, yeah. Although, for grilled cheese, I might've used the wool setting. Joon That's what I told him. Benny Really? What, what did he use? Joon Rayon. Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would've. . . Benny Would've burned it. Joon Right. Fortunately he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it. I wish he could be me new Smail. Benny & Joon (singing) The melodious songs of the blessed, And our spirits shall sorrow no more, Not a sigh for the blessing of rest, In the sweet by-and-by, We shall meet on that beautiful shore, In the sweet by-and-by, We shall meet on that beautiful shore. Benny Good night. Joon Good night. You need some help? Dear Mom, I've departed Mikes with love and gratitude, and am now living with Benny and Joon Pearl, two magnificently devoted new friends. Benny's pre-disposition to hyper-tense Irish monologists notwithstanding, he has given me a job as a domestic engineer and seems pleased with my performance so far. Love, Sam. Sam Wow, I didn't know I could talk like that. Tapioca? Joon Oh. Yeah. Ruthie Okay. Sam Thank you Ruthie. Ruthie You're welcome Sam. Let me know if you need anything, okay? Sam You don't like raisins? Joon Not really. Sam Why? Joon They used to be. . . fat and juicy. And now they're twisted, like they had their life stolen. Oh, they taste sweet, but really they re just humiliated grapes. I can't say I'm a big supporter of the raisin council. Sam Did you see those, those raisins on TV? The one's that sing and dance and stuff. Joon They, scare me. Sam Yeah, me too. Joon It's sick, the commercial people, they make them sing and dance so people will eat them. Sam It's a shame about raisins. Joon Cannibals. Sam Yeah. Do you like avocadoes? Joon They're a fruit, you know. Sam Ruthie, do you got any avocadoes? Benny Joon? Joon You're very pretty when you're off work Ruthie. Ruthie Thank you. Maybe I should quit my job, huh? Benny Where the hell have you two been? Ruthie Oh don't worry, they were with me. We were just running some errands. Benny Oh, hi. How you doing? Ruthie Hi. Benny Running errands? You ran an errand? Joon Yes I did, I ran an errand. Benny Oh look. Joon They're both named Steven. One with a V and one with a PH. Sam Look, look, look! Ruthie's movie. Joon Yes. And she's staying for dinner too. Benny Come on in. Come on in. So why'd you leave? Ruthie LA? I wasn't that good of an actress. Benny Well that's not how Sam tells it. He's raving about you. Ruthie Yeah, well he's sweeter than he is judgmental. How long have you known him? Benny Sam? Erm, seventy-two hours. Ruthie Be serious. Benny I am, serious. Ruthie Really? Benny I'm always serious. I'm too serious. Did you ever get to the point in your life when nothing makes any sense? Sam Brad? Brad? Quit kidding around. This isn't funny any more. Ruthie Can we turn this off? Can we just turn this off? Benny No! Sam Why did you do this? You're sick. You need help. Let me. . . Don't. He was mine. He was mine! And if I can't have him, no one can. Not even you. You didn't have to buy that same dress. But you're my sister, Cindy. I'm sorry about me and Brad. We didn't mean to fall in love at the party. . . Benny Sssh. Sam . . . boys, other midnight swims, other prom dresses. Cindy, no Cindy! Benny Try it again. Now, see there's only two reasons a car won't start. Either you're not getting fuel or you're not getting fire. You've got fire. I think you'd better let me drive you home. Sorry. Ruthie Thanks. Here it is. It's right here. Benny Second job, huh? Ruthie Yeah. Got to make those ends meet, you know. Benny This is just how I imagined your place. Well. . . Ruthie You wanna come in? Or you, you wanna. . . Benny Oh. No, I'll come in, for a minute. Whoa! What is this? Nice porch. Ruthie Pretty nice fish Joon gave you. Benny Oh yeah, those fish. Yeah I was shocked I was. . . Nice fish, I mean, yeah. Ruthie I never had a fish. Benny What? Not even as a kid? Ruthie No. Under privileged childhood, I guess. Benny Down-right un-American, if you ask me. Ruthie Yeah. Benny You can have one of mine, if you want. Ruthie No, I couldn't, I couldn't possibly. I mean they were a gift. Benny But, you know, you could borrow it. You know, we could share it. Like joint custody. You could take it on the weekends, you know. What is this? Wow! Ruthie Sit down son, you're making me nervous. Benny Oh. Ruthie Want a beer? Benny Yeah. You know what? I'd better not. I gotta get going. I better get going, okay? Ruthie Yeah, okay. Benny I'll take a rain check on the beer. Ruthie Okay, I got the doors. Benny Do you want to go to dinner? Ruthie Ever been married? Benny No. Ruthie Yeah. Benny Yeah? Great. See ya. Ruthie See ya. Benny See ya. Social Worker See you next week. Joon Right, thank you. Social Worker Benny, would you come inside a moment? Benny Sure. Social Worker Who's the new housekeeper? Benny The new. . . oh! This. . . friend, just came to stay with us for a while, but. . . Social Worker Joon tells me he's a man. Benny Well you know Joon, how flowery she gets with words. Social Worker So. . . she's lying? I mean, is it a man, or isn't it? Benny Well, yes, technically. He's really just a guy, a friend. Social Worker So where does this leave the group home decision? I take it you haven't talked to her about it yet. Benny No, not yet. Social Worker The admission date is less than a week away. Benny But you see, the thing is she's really doing fine. She seems content. Let's just leave it at that for now. Social Worker Let me know when you want to talk to her about it. Benny I'll let you know. Okay. Bye. Store Owner Hello. Sam I wanna help. Store Owner Ah, wonderful. Okay. If you'd like to fill out this application, I'll be right with you. Benny Not so hard. Joon Wow. You actually have cuticles. Benny I know. It's amazing. What the hell is he doing? Joon Mashed potatoes. So are you and Ruthie considering item-hood? Are you? Benjamin and Ruthamin sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage. . . Benny Get out of here. Joon . . . then comes little Ruthamins and Benjamins and a baby carriage. Benny I'm just taking her out to dinner. Ruthie That's a good joke. Benny You like that? Ruthie Uh-uh. What time you got? Benny It's eleven. Ruthie On the nose? Benny Right, exactly. Ruthie I don't think I've ever asked anybody the time before and had it been right on the nose. Benny That's weird, isn't it? It's, right on the nose. Ruthie Do you. . . Do you want to come in for a while? I erm, I got that beer waiting for you. Benny Erm. You know what? I should probably go. Ruthie Okay. Benny Listen, erm. Can I, can I tell you something? Ruthie What? Benny Erm, you see, my life is just real. . . complicated, and. . . Ruthie Give me a break Benny. I just offered you a beer, okay? Benny No. Joon Why don't we pick up Ruthie, and get some ice-cream? Sam Yeah, let's get her. Benny No. Sam Why? Benny 'Cos, she doesn't want to talk to me. Sam Oh. Benny Come on, we should go. Knock it off. He is. . . He's incredible. He's amazing. Joon Did you have to go to school for that? Sam No. No, I got thrown out of school for that. Joon Really? Sam Oh yeah. Benny Hey, listen. Why don't you guys go on ahead? I'm gonna. . . I'm just gonna hang here for a while. Sam Okay? Joon Really? Benny Yeah. Go ahead. I'll see you at home, later. All right? Sam Okay. Joon Okay. Benny That was. . . that was great. Sam No, no, no. Benny Thank you. Sam Thank you. Bye bye. Joon? Joon What? Sam I, I love you. Joon Me, too. Don't tell Benny. Sam Okay. Benny Did you see the way you had everyone in the palm of your hand? Huh? You've got this gift, and you shouldn't ignore it, you should be out there doing something with it. Sam Like what? Benny I don't know, all I know is I looked at you and I said 'This guy is something else'. You're special. You're not some regular schmoe like the rest of us, who do what we do because we have to do it. You're blessed. Sam Benny? Benny What? Sam How sick is she? Benny She's plenty sick. Now listen to me, I've been doing some thinking. Sam Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except from being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal, you know? Benny Do you realise you could be the next Buster Keeton? I'm telling you, Randy. Listen to me, you've got to see this guy. Tell him Eric. Eric He's funny. Benny He's truly amazing. Will you see him? Randy Yeah I'll see him. Benny You'll see him? Randy Yeah, you never know. You know most of these guys work locally, but some of them, the better ones, you can book in the out of town clubs. Benny You book them out of town? Randy I book 'em all over. I book 'em in Detroit, Boston, sometimes LA. Benny Whoa! Really? Can you see him tonight? Randy I'd love to see him tonight. Benny Hi. Ruthie Is my car ready? Benny How you doing? Oh come on in, come on in. Erm, listen, erm, I want to apologise for the other night. It all came out wrong. Ruthie No. No, it's okay. Benny No I do. Ruthie How's my car? Benny Oh, it's running great. Your fuel pump was shot, I threw in a new one. It's running great. Ruthie How much do I owe you? Benny Er, I'll tell you what. Why don't you just give me thirty bucks for the part, I'm not going to charge you for the labour. All right? Okay? Ruthie Yes. Benny Listen. If you're not doing anything later, I just lined up this thing for Sam. Ruthie What thing? Benny Well it's kind of like an audition. You know? Maybe his chance to make a living at all this crazy stuff that he does. Who knows? Maybe he could travel, play clubs. I don't know, you know? So if you're not doing anything later and you feel like. . . Ruthie Er, I don't know Benny. I got food to deliver, apartments to rent. My life's pretty complicated right now, you know? Thanks. Bye. Benny We'll lay out the whole routine right after dinner. You know what you could start with? Do you remember the, the roll thing you were doing in the diner? Joon Who died and made you Ed McMahon? Benny What's your problem? This is his chance to do something, be somebody. Joon He is somebody. Benny Yeah I know, but he wants to be more. Joon You don't know what he wants. Benny I know he doesn't want to be a housekeeper for the rest of his life. If you're worried about getting a new Smail, don't worry about it, we'll get a new Smail. Joon He's not my Smail. Benny Housekeeper, whatever. Joon We have to tell him. Benny What? Tell me what? Sam Err, Benny. . . Joon. . . and, er. . . and I. . . are, er. . . you know? Benny Bullshit. You. . . Sam No, no. Joon Don't. Benny Get the fuck out! Joon You can't throw him out. I won him. Benny Just settle down. You just settle down. Joon I love him! Benny Yeah? Well you are crazy! Joon I am not crazy. Benny You see what we've come to? You see? Joon I hate you. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you. I hate you. Benny Can I get you, anything? Joon Tapioca. Benny Tapioca? Okay. Anything on it? Joon Raisins. Benny Okay. Joon Hi. Benny Hi. How you doing? Ruthie You're out late. Benny Yeah. Listen. Do you have any tapioca? Ruthie Jeez Benny, I've heard a lot of lines in my life, but. . . Benny No, no, no it's, it's not for me. It's, it's um, for Joon. Ruthie Come on in. Benny Yeah? Ruthie Yeah. Joon I don't hear you. I can't hear you. Sam Joon. Okay? Joon Yeah. Sam Good, good, good. Joon I'm not. No, no, I'm not. Sam Okay? All right? Hold tight, okay? Sssh. It's okay. It's okay. Joon I am not! I am not! I am not! Sam Sssh. Sssh. Come on. Joon Shut up! Sam No, no, no, no. Sssh. Sssh. Joon, please, come on. Joon No, it's not all in my head. Sam Sir? Sir! Stop the bus please! Please stop the bus! It's okay. Joon I don't want to talk to you! No! Sam Joon. Medic All righty, all righty. You want to step out? Sam Yeah okay, okay. Medic How you doing hon? Huh? Joon You think I don't know who you are? I know just who you are. So just leave, leave. Leave! Don't you touch me! Don't touch me! Benny Joon? Joon! Man Stay back. Benny Look, I am going to see my sister. Now would you please just tell me her room number? Woman Please sir, could you just come back in the morning. Benny Let me talk to her goddamn doctor! Social Worker I'm sorry. She doesn't want any visitors. Not you or anyone else. Benny She doesn't want to see me? Social Worker No, and she doesn't want to leave. Benny why don't you go home? Get some sleep. I promise I'll keep in touch. Benny I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy with what you have done to her. You just stay, the hell away from my sister. Sam No. No. Benny Wanna know why everyone laughs at you Sam? Because you're an idiot. You're a first-class moron. Sam You're scared, Benny. Benny I'm what? Sam You're scared. I can see it. And I know why? I used to look up to you. But. . . now I can't look at you at all. I think that the Fred Astaire is the way to go. Woman Yeah? Sam That's a good choice. Woman So, now who was that woman who starred in the Roman. . . Sam Audrey Hepburn. Woman Yeah. Sam, thanks a lot. Sam Have a nice day. Can I help you? Benny Yeah, I hope so. Thomas Hi, Benny. Benny Thomas. How is she? Tell me the truth. Thomas She's been better, Benny. Benny All right, well you've got to tell me what room she's in. Thomas Three-thirty-five. But don't even think about it Benny. It's a closed ward. No visitors. Sam No we've gotta find Joon. Please. Benny Thomas, you've gotta get us in there to see her. Thomas It's impossible Benny Benny What, what, what do you mean, it's impossible? Listen, I just need two minutes with her. Thomas Benny, I'll get fired. Benny Thomas, I'm begging you, as a friend. Thomas I'd love to help out Benny, but Garvey's going to be in there to check on her soon. My hands are tied. My hands are tied! Benny What room did he say? Sam Three-three-five. Benny Shit. What are you doing? Sam Mommy? Orderly 1 What are you doing here? Orderly 2 I don't think you're supposed to be in here. Orderly 3 What room did you come out of? Orderly 1 Get the door. Get the door. Orderly 3 How'd he get past security? Orderly 1 Hey, watch the door. Benny Joon. Look, I know you want to be left alone, but, you do not belong in here. Now, how would you like to try, living in your own apartment? Joon An apartment? Benny Yeah. There's an apartment available in Ruthie's building. Joon You'd let me live in an apartment? Benny That's up to you. I'm through making those decisions for you. Listen, I. . . I'm sorry I was such a jerk. And about Sam, I was wrong. I was dead wrong. Joon I scared him away. Benny No, you didn't. He's here. Joon He is not. Benny He's here. He got me in here. He's somewhere in the building. Joon He is not! You'd never let me have him. God. Why do you hate me so much? Benny I don't hate you. Joon You need me to be sick. Social Worker Juniper Pearl's chart, please. Thank you. Thomas Hey, wait! Wait Wally! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wally put him down. He's mine. I've been looking for him. Orderly 1 You sure? Thomas No, no, it's okay. Yeah I'll take care of him. Sam, Sam, Sam, you can't be in here. Sam Where's Joon's room? Thomas Come on. Sam I, I, I've got to see her. Thomas Come on, come on. Social Worker Can you give me any reason why I shouldn't have you arrested? Thomas It's that one. Sam Yeah. Thomas See? Sam Okay. Thomas Sam, where you going? Social Worker Benny, this is exactly what we were trying to avoid. By now Joon would be in a caring and controlled environment. Isn't it obvious now that you two need some distance? Benny Why don't we ask Joon what she wants? Thomas Sam what are you doing? Hey Sam come on! Get down right now! Joon I don't know exactly what I want. I do know. . . that I am tired of everyone telling me what to do. Thomas Sam, come on down! Don't touch that. Sam, leave that. I'm begging you. Social Worker Joon, we want what's best for you. Joon I know that. I. . . Thomas Sam, come down now! Sam, you're going to get in trouble! Joon I think I want to try living in my own apartment. Social Worker Hmm, I don't know. Thomas Sam stop swinging! Social Worker But I'm willing to let you try. I'll prepare the papers for her release. Benny Thank you Dr Garvey. Thomas Come down! Right. . . Sam! Whoa! Whoa! Are you okay? Sam Ouch, ouch. Benny I know. Me, too. I'm going to check you out. Okay? Joon Okay. Ruthie Haven't we tried this before? Benny Yeah, but my life's a lot less complicated now. Is Joon inside? Ruthie Yeah. Benny Yeah? Okay.